Sometimes, the hardest goodbyes are the ones we never prepare for, because deep down, we hoped we wouldn’t have to say them. — Unknown
I never thought that day would come, or maybe I just didn’t allow myself to believe that the strings between us could be separated for unknown reasons. The feeling of leaving you always felt distant to me — a promise I would keep for myself but ended up broken.
You knew how much I loved you, and you knew how much you meant to me. But when the time came you asked me to tie the strings between us, I stepped my feet backward. Locked myself in the room, standing in silence, and realizing, “I am not ready.” How could it be? asked myself. I love you, but I just couldn’t take the risk. An explainable feeling of fear.
As you stepped outside the door, I caught glimpses of our memories — flashes of our memories where we felt certain about ourselves, dreams, and promises we kept for ourselves. What has gone wrong? asked myself while tears welled up. I felt paralyzed; I wanted to freeze time and hold every piece we built for ourselves, but I just couldn’t. I can’t lock you in the cage, so I have to set you free — something I didn’t want to, but I had to.
The most painful echoes I heard were your steps walking away from me. Watching your back as you walked through the gate pricks my heart to death. I want to run after you and hold your hands — but I was paralyzed. I just watched you go. That was something I wasn’t really prepared for.
In the quiet aftermath, echoes in my head start to become loud. “He would have made such a lovely better half,” but I just fucked up in my head and told you things I shouldn’t have. I am sorry. I never was ready, so I watch you go.
I know things ended up between us, but I am hoping maybe time will heal us.
