“Every birthday I celebrate reminds me of the day you died.”
It has been 4 years since you took your last breath, leaving us in great pain, broken, and suffering in poignant sorrow. I still remembered how I wish I had turned down the phone call from someone who told me the saddest news I have ever heard in my whole life. It was paralyzing; I felt the whole world stop for a second the moment I heard you pass away. It was a total misery for me. It’s still fresh in my memory the moment I wanted to cry out loud but no single tear came out — I was paralyzed.
4 years and counting, I am here, still grieving. It hurts me to the core when I know that I didn’t even see you for one last glance. I had so many regrets, so many words I wanted to tell you, stories, and achievements I wanted to share with you, for I know that you would be very happy if you were here, like you always used to be when you were still alive. Those things hunt me every time the calendar turns to July.
My heart twinges every time I hear your name. I will always remember the goodness in you. How you filled in our empty cups and how you showered us with your kindness. I missed the sound of your walk, how you make a loud sound when you sip coffee, and the smell of your blanket. You will always be remembered.
Remembering this day always feels heavy. Time really flies so fast. Who could have imagined you left us 4 years ago, but your memories are still fresh. I still feel you all around, talking to me with a big smile on your face.
Remembering this day, two days before my special day when you died, made me don’t want to celebrate my birthday. It always reminds me how tragic it was for me when you left us in the middle of the pandemic. I would have never imagined in my life losing someone without saying a last goodbye personally.
I miss you so much, my Lolo.
I love you — words I have never told you when you are still here.
